In the wake of the devastation caused by my son Steven’s accidental drug overdose death in February 2019, if you would have asked me if I would be willing to appear on national television to discuss our family tragedy, I would have summarily dismissed the notion. So deep was my pain, and so torn apart was our family, that we could barely come to terms with communicating with each another, let alone with anyone outside of the family. I viewed our loss as something deeply personal and private—how could anyone else truly understand the agony we were going through? I closed myself off for a long time and, in sorrowful isolation, endured the depression and denial that accompany the unthinkable loss of a child.

When we actually were presented with an opportunity to participate in a television program, I remained skeptical until after several conversations with the show’s producers. They seemed genuine and they assured me that the central purpose of the program was to help resolve difficult family conflicts. Our family was in a bad place. My marriage was at a low point.  Communication had broken down and we certainly weren’t getting any closer to coming to terms with Steven’s passing on our own. So, as a family, we agreed to partake even though details were relatively scarce. We simply hoped for some type of genuine help and perhaps a bit of closure.

When Dr. Phil walked into our living room, our surprise was soon overcome by his powerful sense of urgency. (Also, he is a really big guy!) Having carefully studied our case and through his previous discussions with my other son Ben, Dr. Phil quickly encapsulated our family’s troubles and commanded our attention. He got to work right away. Over the course of the next few days, through various exercises and conversations, Dr. Phil was able to break our family’s logjam of distrust and poor communication. One night, after the cameras stopped rolling, we were discussing the implications of losing a child and Dr. Phil teared up. That moment confirmed, in my mind, that Dr. Phil genuinely cared about our family situation.

As it turned out, by appearing on national television, I was forced to confront my own heartaches but I was also made to view the loss of Steven from the perspective of other family members. The experience was difficult, but it ultimately brought us closer together.

Dr. Phil helped me realize that I do not need to endure the loss of my son in isolation. His advice has helped me to see beyond the confines of my own suffering. Accordingly, I have decided to press forward with the founding of a not-for-profit organization dedicated to my son Steven: Addicted to Life 319. Our organization is based in San Jose, California, and coordinates support groups specifically dedicated to those who have lost loved ones due to drug overdose. We conjointly seek to bring awareness to adolescents, young adults, and parents about the prevalence of drug overdose and the underlying issues associated with it. Crucially, we also strive to cut through the heavy stigma that continues to surround addiction and mental health. By participating in the television show, I have come to understand that my experience of losing a child, as painful as it is, is something that I should share with others. Indeed, if Addicted to Life 319 is capable of preventing even a single overdose death, or if it is able to bring some degree of solace to those mourning an accidental drug overdose loss, then the effort is worthwhile.

So, thank you Dr. Phil, for forcing myself and my family to finally confront the pain and heartache of losing Steven. I know that we as a family are in a better place now and that I am motivated to share our story with my community. The pain of losing my son will never fully heal, but if I can channel some of my grief into helping others in similar situations cope, then I can at least honor Steven’s memory in an impactful way.